Bittersweet Life...

Sunday, March 12, 2006

im so fucking desperate for freedom this instant.

im this close to bursting my anger and frustrations right to the parents' faces. i hate them for not letting me live my life my way. y cant i make my own decisions? y cant they just back away for a moment and see that i can be on my own two feets? they wanna bug in every detail of my life. yeaa... they're the parents.. but, give me some credit, pls. credits for being a young adult. credits for becoming a young adult. they scrutinize down rite to the clothes i wear, who im talking to on the phone.

the moment i hear those questions, i feel anger building up. i just wanna explode. i just feel like telling them just back off a lil. even for a moment, ill appreciate it. but i cant. im a coward.

im sooo afraid tt ill screw up my personal life, my social life due to this.

i dunno wat to do. i mean, im eighteen.. and i still haf the same old shitty problem since i was in sec 1. this is soo unbelieveable.

god noes if anyone goes thru the same fucked up life. i dunno till when i can keep up wit this. i just dunno. there's this thing tt building up in me... sooo fast... ever sooo fast.. just like the tears tt's rolling down my cheeks rite nw. just like the tears i let out every nw and then. but, it's such a waste of time, coz i dun feel any better.

a psycho..? a crybaby..? an immature teenager? i dunno. i dun seem to know myself when im at hm. i duno even know who i am. im this loving, caring, happy, easy going, frenly girl who everyone know outside. however, when im at home, i dun think i behave in the same manner. i feel anger, pain, locked up, misunderstood.

i have tried to ignore the frustrations when im at hm for far too long. i try nt to blog abt angry stuff. sad stuff. fucked up stuff. but i cant bear it anymore. i HAVE to vent it out. well, readers, im sorry if i've waste ur time rite up to this point.

my life is sooo pretty when im out of the house.... but it's all destroyed once i get hm. i dun want my beautiful life to screw up bcoz of this. i found everything tt i ever wanted. everything tt i dreamt of. but, my home issues just have to interrupt this dream. soo, prolly it's all a dream. prolly one day, ill lose YOU. one day, ill lose them. ill lose all the things tt dun ever wanna let go.

Smashed into pieces at 3/12/2006 01:13:00 AM